you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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