dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
