and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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