Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
