good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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