Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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