i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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