dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
