i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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