i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
