I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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