Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
