someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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