Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
