I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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