He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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