I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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