Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
