For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
