In America we eat man semen.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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