I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
