you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Never underestimate the power of titties
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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