Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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