so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
