wat bout pragnant strippers??
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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