Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
