6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
4 words: hood of his car
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
