I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
