Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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