Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
