Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
