Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he was CRYING into my vagina
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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