and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
