do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
