Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
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her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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