i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
