apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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