Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
