i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
