i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
