oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
