god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
