I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Terrible idea I love it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
