Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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