ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
