i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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