Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
