why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
