**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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