ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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