We should be called the Road Head Warriors
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
