Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
