I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
