so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
