Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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