come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
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he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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