i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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