it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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