M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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