Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
