I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hippo gnu deer
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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