the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize