I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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