From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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