Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
