I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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