it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
