It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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