yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
