I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
