This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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