oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
