She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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